heather erin.

i'm never fucking satisfied with a single thing that i write. i've started this entry over three times. i don't know how someone so flawed can still be a perfectionist about the tiniest things. i'm starting to think that maybe i'll use this site to help me break the perfectionistic writing habits and maybe become a better, more honest writer by not allowing myself to use the backspace key very much. this is typically not how i write at all and just looking at it is making me frustrated and ashamed of how much it sucks. but at least it's honest, it doesn't have to look beautiful. even though i want it to. even though i can feel my stomach rolling because the sentences have no structure, no flow, and basically they all begin with 'i'. it's hard for me to write about myself and feel like someone actually cares what i'm thinking, but i'm going to do it anyway. maybe i can make some positive changes this summer if i keep it up. i honestly want to delete this so much that it feels like the muscles inside my arms are spasming and twitching and getting pissed off because i'm resisting them. fuck you, arms, i'm doing this whether you agree with me or not. 

i'm going to conquer myself.